Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Feb '08)

(With great thanks to Judith Viorst, author of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day)

I slept “wrong” overnight and now I have a “crick” in my neck. The kids slept through their alarms so I had to go and wake them up. No one wants to buy lunch so I have to make 3 lunches, but I forgot to thaw the extra bread, so I have to pry apart the slices in order to make sandwiches and I rip apart 2 slices in the process. Chips fall all over the floor when I try to put them in the baggie and I accidentally step on some, and that makes an even bigger mess. I sweep it up and notice the whole floor really needs cleaning but the room is full of kids and I don’t have time anyway… One kid keeps asking for a drink, and I get distracted and keep forgetting. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast my pre-school aged child wakes up too early and is grumpy and yells at everyone for no reason. I have to stop the process of making breakfast and lunches to scold her and send her out of the room. She comes back yelling even louder, so I lose it and yell back at her, then she needs comforting, so I give her a hug and put her in front of the TV with her favorite blanket and sippy cup of juice.

I think I’ll fly to Australia.

The bus doesn’t come for the kids because there was a bad traffic accident (we found out later), so I have to pile the kids in the car and take them to school and have to interrupt the grumpy preschooler to take her along. I haven’t even had a shower yet. I wear a hat to cover up my bed head in case any one sees me.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

On my way to work, I got behind a slow driver that brakes and puts on his turn signal at every intersection but doesn’t turn for about 2 miles. (He is obviously lost). I would change lanes, but the car next to me is going at the same pace as the car in front of me. Besides, it hurts when I turn my head to the left because of that “crick” in my neck. Plus there’s nothing good on the radio. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because a warning light came on in the car. We just spent $1000 to have something fixed on the car last month, now it’s something else.

When I get to work I have emails from a couple students telling me they will be absent from class (will I miss anything important, they ask?) and here’s my assignment for the day. Sorry, they write. I write back to thank them and say they will be missed and that I’ll see them the next day for the exam. (Unless I’m flying to Australia.)

The copier jammed when I was making handouts for class.

During class I couldn’t get the overhead projector on, then when it did come on it was set to VCR and turned up really loud, so we watched Northwest Cable News at full volume till I could get the PC button turned on.

After work it was raining really hard when I was on my way to my car, and I left my umbrella in the car.

To avoid a long backup of traffic, I took an alternate route, but that route was backed up too, and it took an extra 15 minutes to get through 2 traffic lights.

Two different drivers cut me off in traffic.

I went to the grocery store and ended up with one of those shopping carts that makes a thud every time the wheels go around, and it constantly veers to the left.

After I got my groceries and went to check out, I got in the slow lane where everyone in front of me waits until the checker is done scanning their groceries to start the payment process, then they don’t know which way to scan their card, and they used a credit card, not debit, so they have to sign the slip. One woman was trying to use a coupon, but she picked up the wrong item, so then the checker had to call someone to go and get the right item the customer wanted to buy.

When I got home everyone wanted a snack even though it was less than an hour until dinner and I was trying to sort through the soggy mail, change into my grubby clothes and have a cup of tea. All the while every kid is telling me about his/her day ALL AT ONCE at the top of his/her voice and I have a pile of PTA newsletters, art projects and teacher notes to look over. Then the phone rings when I have a mouthful of chips and the kids are still noisy, so I go to another room to answer the phone.

The VISA bill came. Yikes, we really need to pay that off.

The long distance company sent us a note saying they are going to charge us a minimum of $5.99, and we NEVER use long distance on our home phones. (We use our cell phones.) I really don’t want to call them to ask about cancelling our service because they will have a 29 minute wait, then when I finally reach a human being I’ll have to speak to the person’s supervisor and get transferred 3 or 4 times, and I may get cut off, only to call back and wait another 29 minutes then get told I need to call my local phone company. I’m sure this never happens in Australia.

I was super hungry but too grumpy to cook so I sent my husband out for burgers. It took 45 minutes because of traffic and slow service. While we were eating my daughter spilled her chocolate milk and my son put his elbow in ketchup. Once we finished dinner I felt bloated and my stomach hurt because I ate too much too fast. Why did I think burgers were a good idea?

After dinner the kids complained about having to practice piano, and there was nothing good on TV. I have a good book that I picked up from the library, but every time I sit down to start to read one of the kids needs something, or I feel cold so I need to go find a blanket, or my husband wants to talk about the column he read today…

Once the kids were in bed I relaxed with a glass of wine (from Australia?) and thought that maybe the day wasn’t too bad after all, and that some days are just like that. Even in Australia.