December 18, 2007.
The boys’ bus picked them up 10 minutes ago to take them to school for the last time this year. I’m finishing up my morning coffee after having a bowl of cereal and reading a bit of the Seattle Times newspaper. Before that I had spent the prior hour trying to keep them quiet (Mary’s still asleep in her room down the hall), feeding them breakfast, filling their lunch boxes (sandwich, apple slides, a snack food of some sort, and dessert – pudding for Kenny, candy & granola bar for Charlie, xmas cookies for Billy. Billy also takes a bottle of water in his “cooler” style lunch box because he likes really cold water to drink and won’t drink milk straight up. Sometimes he likes chocolate milk.
I cried myself to sleep last night. Well, I cried for a while while Tim held me, then after blowing my nose multiple times settled in to sleep, and slept well, dreaming about shopping for bangly earrings and big warm sweaters. Huh?? That’s okay. The prior night I dreamed I was looking for someone to watch my BABY while I was at work next quarter because I was NURSING the baby. I don’t know if this was a new baby, but the people in the dream included Saskia and Pam, people I’ve only known a couple of years. At least my dreams have been rather light-hearted lately. A few months back I was dreaming of ascending steep hills with people I know coaxing me on. That made more sense given my life these days.
Actually, I seem to be doing okay, despite the many weeks of chemo I’ve had lately, all the troubles with chest ports, pneumonia and kidney stones in late summer. Mom moved last week to assisted living at Crista. That went okay but meant a lot of time for me helping to sort through her remaining belongings, schedule meetings with the admissions staff & nurses and movers & auction house people, but it worked pretty well. Mom seems happy, if not a bit more confused with the new surroundings and schedule. I have moments of tears, like last night when I started thinking about sad news of late, but I felt the comfort of God, and heard that still, small voice saying, “I’m taking care of you and I love you.” I know that. I can trust in God when I can’t trust in anything or anyone else, my house (we’re dealing w/ water damage in basement and will soon have new floors installed), my health (!!!), and Mom’s mental well-being (dementia is nasty stuff).
Here comes Mary (8:30 AM), asking for Daddy. On many mornings she asks me to call him to tell him to come home from work. Then I try to distract her w/ food, juice, TV, etc. She has learned that asking for unrealistic things doesn’t pan out too well.
So, anyway, I’m surprised that I’m not more down and depressed. I’m thankful for that. I find joy in so many things – esp. my kids. They are so handsome and smart, and it can be so much fun to watch them grow, learn things, laugh and share with them things I find funny. Tim does the same. Last night Kenny & I watched YouTube video of an impersonator who does a funny George Bush. It was fun to laugh with Kenny over that.
This morning Kenny & Charlie were standing near each other, all arms & legs and floppy hair. They look quite a bit alike still, and they just strike me as so handsome and tall. Kenny’s almost 5-3 and Charlie’s about 5-1, so they are tall, of course. Billy’s big too, and learning so much, and he’s so enthusiastic about school and what he is learning. It’s wonderful.
Mary still can be quite high maintenance. It’s her age combined with a strong personality. She knows what she wants and goes after it, that’s for sure. She also can be so sweet. Yesterday she ran over and gave me a hug. When I said, “What’s that for?” she answered, “because I love you!” Wow. Melted my heart right there.
She will often ask whether I’m still sick. She’s either referring to cancer in general, or chemo side-effects. Some days I have to tell her I’m really tired or that I don’t feel good, so I can’t interact with her the ways she wants me to, so she picks up on how I feel very well. Otherwise I don’t know how to answer her, specifically. I hope I’m going to be well from now on, but in reality that is unlikely.
I have many moments when I wonder “What is God teaching me through all the trials?” But I can just as easily ask, “How is God blessing me today?” Many Sundays I am touched by the words, cards and gifts people offer to me. I love so many people at Shoreline Free Methodist Church, and I continue to meet new people who bless me. I hope I can bless them as well. I’ve already mentioned the blessings from knowing and living with my kids. Of course they can be very challenging at times too, and Tim and I both regularly “lose our cool” around them.
What I’m learning: to Trust in God and in Christ Jesus, knowing that they are with me through the trials and heartaches. They comfort me. Jesus went through awful treatment and had times of great sorry, anxiety, and pain. So Jesus relates with what we endure. I’m also learning that LIFE IS SHORT!! I don’t really live as if each day is my last, but I’m starting to live as though each season may be my last. I don’t really do things differently but it keeps things in perspective. I get sad when the kids talk about Christmases future, for example, because I don’t know if I’ll be around. I know their lives will go on, but I want to (selfishly??) be there to see them grow up and venture out to live independently. For now I just cherish the time with them and hope they will have many good memories of me and time with their family. Times of laughter, learning, challenge, and love.
Well, I’m off to the shower and to get ready for the day. Mary & I will visit Mom this morning and help her with some things. Change of address, organizing her new place, etc. I feel well today. Good energy, only a touch of queasiness left over from last week’s chemo treatment. It’s good to get some of this written down…
Friday, February 5, 2010
God is Good (May '08)
I was diagnosed with stage 4 (of 4) cancer last June. This diagnosis applies because the cancer spread after the tumor was removed.
The average life expectancy for a person with stage 4 colon cancer is two years.
Some people die sooner if the cancer affects vital organs such as the liver or lungs and is “inoperable” or otherwise untreatable.
Some people live more than two years if the cancer has not spread to vital organs.
There is no cure for this.
While there is treatment designed to keep the cancer from spreading, primarily in the form of chemotherapy, treatment does not guarantee the cancer will not spread.
An analogy from my oncologist may be helpful: Consider the process of removing weeds from your garden. You may pull out a large weed by its roots, but you can’t remove all the seeds it may have already dropped. My initial surgery removed the large “weed” (the tumor) but doctors are unable to detect any “seeds” the weed may have left behind. Last summer’s surgery confirmed that the “weed” had in fact spread seeds that the “weed killer” (the chemo) had not killed. Hence the Stage 4 diagnosis.
The typical spot “downwind” from colon cancer tumors is the liver. So far, my liver is okay.
My latest diagnosis was not new. Once stage 4, always stage 4. The cancerous growths in my abdomen are not threatening, but they indicate that the cancer cells are still spreading despite a lot of chemo. The hope is that this next round of chemo will keep the cancer at bay, at least for a while. It seems good news to me that the oncologist suggests more chemo. The alternative message might be “I’m sorry but there is nothing more we can do for you…”
The bottom line, as I understand it, is that I probably won’t live very many more years because it is only a matter of time before the cancer affects my vital organs. In the meantime I will likely get treatment (chemotherapy) when it is offered to me, continue to get scans every few months, and in the future I may have more surgery if the cancer spreads to vital organs and surgeons believe they can remove it. Then again I may live many more years, but doctors always will want me to get scanned periodically to see if the cancer has spread.
I have had almost a year to adjust to this news, and I wanted to be plain about this so you can understand my situation.
On a related note, I do not consider myself going through a “fight” or “battle.” While these are very common terms people use in our society when people are being treated for diseases, I am an advocate of non-violence for the most part. Cancer cells are not foreign invaders. They are good cells gone bad, and I view the chemotherapy as keeping the cells from dividing and causing damage that could kill me. So you won’t hear me use terms of violence and I will ask anyone giving my eulogy some day to refrain from using them.
I have cancer and I am being treated for cancer. If I die of cancer, I will have died after being treated for cancer. My wish is that people will not say I died “after a long battle against” the disease.
How am I doing with all of this? Good question. Most of the time I am fairly calm and go through life as normally as possible. I love my work that involves teaching, writing and advising, I enjoy time with my family and friends, and I appreciate my church family greatly.
I’m not afraid of death because I know Jesus.
I’m not really afraid of the dying process because I know it will come fairly quickly and because drugs will keep me comfortable in the end.
What I fear is the absence in my kids’ lives. I worry about how they will be without their mother. It is for their sake, primarily, that I will continue to receive treatment that my doctor(s) recommend.
I worry about Tim and how he will manage everything – the house, the kids’ schedules, the kids’ needs for nurture, teaching, guidance and love, the financial matters, the shopping, the cleaning, the yard work, the correspondence, etc., etc.
I worry about people I love and the pain and sorrow and sense of loss they may experience.
I also worry about my mother who relies on me in a number of ways.
A passage of scripture that comes to me over and over again these days is Philippians 4:19, where Paul wrote: And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I hold on to this promise and the many other promises in scripture when worries arise.
I know God will meet all of Kenny’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Charlie’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Billy’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Mary’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Tim’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of my mother’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet the needs of other people who love me, according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
God provides!
God provides supportive relatives and friends who will support Tim and my mother, and my children.
God is good.
God is good in life.
God is good in death.
God is good when life is going well and when we experience joy.
God is good when life is very difficult, even agonizing.
God is good when we go through deep sorrow.
God is good when we enjoy good health.
God is good when we are very sick.
God is good when we have abundant resources.
God is good when we don’t seem to have enough resources.
God is good when we feel extreme pain.
God is good during the dying process.
God is good because God loves us and will never leave or forsake us because of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection.
The average life expectancy for a person with stage 4 colon cancer is two years.
Some people die sooner if the cancer affects vital organs such as the liver or lungs and is “inoperable” or otherwise untreatable.
Some people live more than two years if the cancer has not spread to vital organs.
There is no cure for this.
While there is treatment designed to keep the cancer from spreading, primarily in the form of chemotherapy, treatment does not guarantee the cancer will not spread.
An analogy from my oncologist may be helpful: Consider the process of removing weeds from your garden. You may pull out a large weed by its roots, but you can’t remove all the seeds it may have already dropped. My initial surgery removed the large “weed” (the tumor) but doctors are unable to detect any “seeds” the weed may have left behind. Last summer’s surgery confirmed that the “weed” had in fact spread seeds that the “weed killer” (the chemo) had not killed. Hence the Stage 4 diagnosis.
The typical spot “downwind” from colon cancer tumors is the liver. So far, my liver is okay.
My latest diagnosis was not new. Once stage 4, always stage 4. The cancerous growths in my abdomen are not threatening, but they indicate that the cancer cells are still spreading despite a lot of chemo. The hope is that this next round of chemo will keep the cancer at bay, at least for a while. It seems good news to me that the oncologist suggests more chemo. The alternative message might be “I’m sorry but there is nothing more we can do for you…”
The bottom line, as I understand it, is that I probably won’t live very many more years because it is only a matter of time before the cancer affects my vital organs. In the meantime I will likely get treatment (chemotherapy) when it is offered to me, continue to get scans every few months, and in the future I may have more surgery if the cancer spreads to vital organs and surgeons believe they can remove it. Then again I may live many more years, but doctors always will want me to get scanned periodically to see if the cancer has spread.
I have had almost a year to adjust to this news, and I wanted to be plain about this so you can understand my situation.
On a related note, I do not consider myself going through a “fight” or “battle.” While these are very common terms people use in our society when people are being treated for diseases, I am an advocate of non-violence for the most part. Cancer cells are not foreign invaders. They are good cells gone bad, and I view the chemotherapy as keeping the cells from dividing and causing damage that could kill me. So you won’t hear me use terms of violence and I will ask anyone giving my eulogy some day to refrain from using them.
I have cancer and I am being treated for cancer. If I die of cancer, I will have died after being treated for cancer. My wish is that people will not say I died “after a long battle against” the disease.
How am I doing with all of this? Good question. Most of the time I am fairly calm and go through life as normally as possible. I love my work that involves teaching, writing and advising, I enjoy time with my family and friends, and I appreciate my church family greatly.
I’m not afraid of death because I know Jesus.
I’m not really afraid of the dying process because I know it will come fairly quickly and because drugs will keep me comfortable in the end.
What I fear is the absence in my kids’ lives. I worry about how they will be without their mother. It is for their sake, primarily, that I will continue to receive treatment that my doctor(s) recommend.
I worry about Tim and how he will manage everything – the house, the kids’ schedules, the kids’ needs for nurture, teaching, guidance and love, the financial matters, the shopping, the cleaning, the yard work, the correspondence, etc., etc.
I worry about people I love and the pain and sorrow and sense of loss they may experience.
I also worry about my mother who relies on me in a number of ways.
A passage of scripture that comes to me over and over again these days is Philippians 4:19, where Paul wrote: And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I hold on to this promise and the many other promises in scripture when worries arise.
I know God will meet all of Kenny’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Charlie’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Billy’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Mary’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of Tim’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet all of my mother’s needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I know God will meet the needs of other people who love me, according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
God provides!
God provides supportive relatives and friends who will support Tim and my mother, and my children.
God is good.
God is good in life.
God is good in death.
God is good when life is going well and when we experience joy.
God is good when life is very difficult, even agonizing.
God is good when we go through deep sorrow.
God is good when we enjoy good health.
God is good when we are very sick.
God is good when we have abundant resources.
God is good when we don’t seem to have enough resources.
God is good when we feel extreme pain.
God is good during the dying process.
God is good because God loves us and will never leave or forsake us because of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection.
Things that Give Me Pleasure/Joy (July '08)
Seeing the moonlight reflected on Lake Washington from our living room window.
Library books – ones I pick out based on the nice cover and decent summary in the book jacket. Then if I start reading them and they bother me or I don’t like them, I just take them back. Very little cost. But often I really enjoy the books, and I look forward to times when I can read them.
I also love kids’ books from the library. Books we’ve read before or ones I have read to the older boys – Cordoroy, Curious George, Arthur, Clifford and many, many more. I love reading to the kids. I love that Billy learned to read this year.
I love the excitement of swim meets. I get nervous for my boys, but I enjoy watching them race. Of course I love it when they do very well and improve their times and “qualify” for prelims! I enjoy chatting with parents of other swimmers on the sidelines, eating the concession food (chicken burgers, or if we’re lucky, Caesar salads with salmon), and watching the other races. The seniors are so impressive with their skills and speed, and they win very often. Home meets are the best, thanks to Ian Allan, a parent-volunteer who emcees the meets. He interjects many interesting facts about the swimmers and their families, even kids from the visiting teams, trivia contests, and other fun and entertaining comments.
I enjoy sitting in our living room at night and watching the airplanes line up in formation to land at Sea-Tac and take off. From our house we often see a “V” of airplanes, sometimes as many as 9 or 10, made up of the planes landing and those taking off. We see planes from all directions circle over our area to head in for their landings. We also watch the lights of the boats that may still be out on the lake.
In the early evenings, or close to dusk, it’s fun to watch the Kenmore Air seaplanes land in the cove. We also watch hundreds of crows head east from their day of scavenging, or whatever they do west of us. Also, we see a number of bald eagles soaring above the lake and Bothell Way. They especially like to fly on days when the winds are strong and heading up the lake, as when a rain storm is on the way. They usually fly out in pairs, and we have seen as many as 4 or 5 pairs at a time.
In the summer, to the east we see one or (usually) two hot-air balloons floating above Woodinville, or some town in that direction. They are brightly colored – maybe rainbow or red, white and blue.
We do have a great view, with a lot to see, both man-made and natural.
Library books – ones I pick out based on the nice cover and decent summary in the book jacket. Then if I start reading them and they bother me or I don’t like them, I just take them back. Very little cost. But often I really enjoy the books, and I look forward to times when I can read them.
I also love kids’ books from the library. Books we’ve read before or ones I have read to the older boys – Cordoroy, Curious George, Arthur, Clifford and many, many more. I love reading to the kids. I love that Billy learned to read this year.
I love the excitement of swim meets. I get nervous for my boys, but I enjoy watching them race. Of course I love it when they do very well and improve their times and “qualify” for prelims! I enjoy chatting with parents of other swimmers on the sidelines, eating the concession food (chicken burgers, or if we’re lucky, Caesar salads with salmon), and watching the other races. The seniors are so impressive with their skills and speed, and they win very often. Home meets are the best, thanks to Ian Allan, a parent-volunteer who emcees the meets. He interjects many interesting facts about the swimmers and their families, even kids from the visiting teams, trivia contests, and other fun and entertaining comments.
I enjoy sitting in our living room at night and watching the airplanes line up in formation to land at Sea-Tac and take off. From our house we often see a “V” of airplanes, sometimes as many as 9 or 10, made up of the planes landing and those taking off. We see planes from all directions circle over our area to head in for their landings. We also watch the lights of the boats that may still be out on the lake.
In the early evenings, or close to dusk, it’s fun to watch the Kenmore Air seaplanes land in the cove. We also watch hundreds of crows head east from their day of scavenging, or whatever they do west of us. Also, we see a number of bald eagles soaring above the lake and Bothell Way. They especially like to fly on days when the winds are strong and heading up the lake, as when a rain storm is on the way. They usually fly out in pairs, and we have seen as many as 4 or 5 pairs at a time.
In the summer, to the east we see one or (usually) two hot-air balloons floating above Woodinville, or some town in that direction. They are brightly colored – maybe rainbow or red, white and blue.
We do have a great view, with a lot to see, both man-made and natural.
I Choose Life (Aug '08)
“I choose life.” I read this phrase in a book I’m reading called Broken for You by Stephanie Kallos. I’ve been reading a lot of books this summer. Very enjoyable. An escape, yes, but also a chance to think of life through other people’s lives – the authors of the books and the characters they have created in these works of fiction.
I like my life. Easier to say on a relaxing Monday morning the week before the kids start school. No deadlines. No pressures (yet).
As long as I have life I want to live it and not think about it ending prematurely. Healing prayers from pastor Dave Carr at family camp included petitions against premature death and for healing from the curse of cancer. Yes, yes, yes. Spirit, fill me, fill my family, fill my church and the many people who heard Your voice at camp this summer.
I have 4 wonderful kids. The challenges of raising them are present, of course, but I look forward to seeing them reach many milestones, grow taller (and taller & taller!), mature, make new friends, learn so many things at school, in the pool, on playgrounds and fields, in friends’ homes, at church, with other adults, in books, movies, and yes, even video games.
I have a good husband. He loves me, finds me attractive, has needs I can meet, and I choose to love him. I am in love with him. I cannot control him. Surely I cannot control anything in this world, but I can choose to love him and live my life with him. We take walks together. Attend plays together. Go out to dinner (and sometimes breakfast). We enjoy talking about many topics – sports, politics, friends, kids, family, work, movies, and so many things.
I attend a great church. It’s great because of the relationships with people with huge hearts who know the healing power of grace in their lives and offer themselves to others with gratitude and love.
I enjoy my job, especially teaching. It gives me energy, stimulates me intellectually, and I enjoy meeting students and offering encouragement to them. I also like writing, even though I have little self-confidence in that area. I am encouraged when I get something accepted to a conference or journal. It keeps me going. And Jan is a great source of encouragement as I work on my book.
I love my friends and wider circle of acquaintances. I have been lonely in my life, but in recent years I have almost never felt lonely because of good, loving, caring friends. So many. Margaret, Lynee, Denise, Saskia, Jan, Delayne, Kerri, Tuvette, Alene, Cher, to name a few.
I have a wonderful home, enough money to do what God has called me to do, good health (most of the time!), great brothers and in-laws who provide a lot of support and friendship, and so much more.
I am bursting with gratefulness.
I like my life. Easier to say on a relaxing Monday morning the week before the kids start school. No deadlines. No pressures (yet).
As long as I have life I want to live it and not think about it ending prematurely. Healing prayers from pastor Dave Carr at family camp included petitions against premature death and for healing from the curse of cancer. Yes, yes, yes. Spirit, fill me, fill my family, fill my church and the many people who heard Your voice at camp this summer.
I have 4 wonderful kids. The challenges of raising them are present, of course, but I look forward to seeing them reach many milestones, grow taller (and taller & taller!), mature, make new friends, learn so many things at school, in the pool, on playgrounds and fields, in friends’ homes, at church, with other adults, in books, movies, and yes, even video games.
I have a good husband. He loves me, finds me attractive, has needs I can meet, and I choose to love him. I am in love with him. I cannot control him. Surely I cannot control anything in this world, but I can choose to love him and live my life with him. We take walks together. Attend plays together. Go out to dinner (and sometimes breakfast). We enjoy talking about many topics – sports, politics, friends, kids, family, work, movies, and so many things.
I attend a great church. It’s great because of the relationships with people with huge hearts who know the healing power of grace in their lives and offer themselves to others with gratitude and love.
I enjoy my job, especially teaching. It gives me energy, stimulates me intellectually, and I enjoy meeting students and offering encouragement to them. I also like writing, even though I have little self-confidence in that area. I am encouraged when I get something accepted to a conference or journal. It keeps me going. And Jan is a great source of encouragement as I work on my book.
I love my friends and wider circle of acquaintances. I have been lonely in my life, but in recent years I have almost never felt lonely because of good, loving, caring friends. So many. Margaret, Lynee, Denise, Saskia, Jan, Delayne, Kerri, Tuvette, Alene, Cher, to name a few.
I have a wonderful home, enough money to do what God has called me to do, good health (most of the time!), great brothers and in-laws who provide a lot of support and friendship, and so much more.
I am bursting with gratefulness.
Medical Departments (June '09)
1. Oncology
2. Infusion services
3. Oncology infusion
4. Radiology
5. Interventional Radiology
6. Radiology Oncology
7. Infectious Diseases
8. Pulmonary
9. Gynecology
10. Surgery -- which includes anesthesiology
11. Gynecological surgery
12. Extended observation services
13. Surgery
14. Urgent Care
15. Anti-coagulation management services
16. Wound healing
17. Occupational therapy
18. Physical therapy
19. Dermatology
20. Gastroenterology
In no particular order, these are the departments or specialty centers at Group Health Cooperative that I have visited since I first had symptoms of cancer in summer of 2006. This list does not include various pharmacies, labs and treatment centers at Group Health clinics. Most of these encounters have been at the Central (Seattle) GHC, but some have been at the Bellevue GHC which opened in July of 2008.
Doctors whose names I can remember: Chen, Maxin, Madsen, Pallister, Grice, Froines, Thompson, Herstein.
Oncology infusion nurses (first name basis): Jane, Jane, Ruth, Ruth Anne, Maureen, Karen, Julie, Norma, Dan.
Schedulers (in oncology infusion): Mark, Beverly, Nick.
I am grateful to all of these people. They have ALL been kind, helpful, professional, competent and caring.
2. Infusion services
3. Oncology infusion
4. Radiology
5. Interventional Radiology
6. Radiology Oncology
7. Infectious Diseases
8. Pulmonary
9. Gynecology
10. Surgery -- which includes anesthesiology
11. Gynecological surgery
12. Extended observation services
13. Surgery
14. Urgent Care
15. Anti-coagulation management services
16. Wound healing
17. Occupational therapy
18. Physical therapy
19. Dermatology
20. Gastroenterology
In no particular order, these are the departments or specialty centers at Group Health Cooperative that I have visited since I first had symptoms of cancer in summer of 2006. This list does not include various pharmacies, labs and treatment centers at Group Health clinics. Most of these encounters have been at the Central (Seattle) GHC, but some have been at the Bellevue GHC which opened in July of 2008.
Doctors whose names I can remember: Chen, Maxin, Madsen, Pallister, Grice, Froines, Thompson, Herstein.
Oncology infusion nurses (first name basis): Jane, Jane, Ruth, Ruth Anne, Maureen, Karen, Julie, Norma, Dan.
Schedulers (in oncology infusion): Mark, Beverly, Nick.
I am grateful to all of these people. They have ALL been kind, helpful, professional, competent and caring.
Summer Evenings (Aug '09)
What I like about summer evenings …
Long days – when it’s light out until past 9:00.
Watching boats, water skiers, and personal watercraft on the lake.
Seeing hot air balloons to the east of us in evenings.
Watching sea plane after sea plane landing on the lake in the evenings.
Going to the pool when it’s warm or hot in the early evenings.
Sitting on the patio in the cool of the evening, when by cool I mean about 80 degrees.
Eating grilled meat for dinner, with melon.
Eating frozen fruit bars or drinking root beer floats or margaritas.
Taking the kids to Dairy Queen for dessert.
Sleeping on the top of the sheets with no blanket or bedcover.
Watching fireworks, nearby and fairly far away.
Watching the bright lights of the planes as they take off & land at SeaTac.
Having windows open all over the house to cool things off.
Having no worries about getting the kids to bed early, getting their homework done, quiz practice or music practice finished, or determining who needs their lunch made the next morning.
Long days – when it’s light out until past 9:00.
Watching boats, water skiers, and personal watercraft on the lake.
Seeing hot air balloons to the east of us in evenings.
Watching sea plane after sea plane landing on the lake in the evenings.
Going to the pool when it’s warm or hot in the early evenings.
Sitting on the patio in the cool of the evening, when by cool I mean about 80 degrees.
Eating grilled meat for dinner, with melon.
Eating frozen fruit bars or drinking root beer floats or margaritas.
Taking the kids to Dairy Queen for dessert.
Sleeping on the top of the sheets with no blanket or bedcover.
Watching fireworks, nearby and fairly far away.
Watching the bright lights of the planes as they take off & land at SeaTac.
Having windows open all over the house to cool things off.
Having no worries about getting the kids to bed early, getting their homework done, quiz practice or music practice finished, or determining who needs their lunch made the next morning.
Life is Too Short to... (Aug '09)
People have asked me how my life has changed since being diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer a couple years ago. The list below describes changes in my attitudes about a number of aspects of life, from seemingly simple things like clothing choices, to more weighty topics like forgiveness. I hope this list helps you, no matter what you are facing in life right now.
Wear ill-fitting clothes or shoesShoes should feel good on your feet AT the shoe store. Never let a salesperson talk you into believing the myth that the shoes will “break in” and feel better later. Shop for shoes when you feet are their largest – swollen after a long day of work or eating a bag of potato chips, perhaps.
Same with clothing. Don’t buy something that doesn’t quite fit, hoping to lose a couple pounds before the season arrives that you will be wearing the garment you are trying on. Also don’t buy clothes you will need to constantly adjust or fidget with. For example, if your undies show when you lean over, the pants or skirt do not fit you properly. Similarly, if too much of your cleavage shows when you bend over, your shirt is too small.
Ditto for undergarments. Only wear bras and panties that fit well and feel good – specifically, I don’t think you should notice them at all. You should not have to rearrange your undies every time you stand up. Your bra should not dig into your skin.
I suggest you go through your clothes & shoes once a year or so and take out any items you have not worn, either because they don’t fit well or because you don’t feel good wearing them. Give them away to charity or to a friend who might find them useful. Do this with jewelry too. This can be difficult for those of us who think we’ve wasted good money on these items, but we also waste good space holding on to things we are unlikely to use. Ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen if I no longer own that scratchy sweater that’s out of style and a bit too short and in a color that makes me look like death warmed over? Well, it may come in handy on a really cold winter day, under a few layers, but really, don’t you have other sweaters you could wear?
Give yourself permission to get rid of that sweater and maybe buy a new one for those cold winter days. Also, look at what is left in your closet or dresser drawers and look for patterns in styles and colors. When you shop, look for similar styles and colors of items you already own because you are more likely to wear them. You may save a lot of time and money this way.
Hold a grudge
This can be very difficult. I know. I have learned the hard way that forgiveness is the beginning of reconciliation. I have learned this in my marriage, and so has my husband. But I am glad now that we chose the path of forgiveness.
Something else I’ve learned about forgiveness is that it is rarely a one-time thing. When Jesus told his disciples to forgive 70 times 7 times that can mean for the same offense. So when I remember the events I have forgiven people for, I may need to forgive them (in my heart & mind) right then and there AGAIN, even if I don’t feel like it.
Who do you hold grudges against? The person who cut you off in traffic? The cop who pulled you over for no good reason? Your spouse? Your child? Your boss? Your former boss? Your annoying neighbor or his/her kids, pets, etc.? Take it from me – let it go. Forgive them in your heart, maybe even to their face or in a letter, if you think that’s appropriate. Otherwise, it’s like holding on to a ticking time bomb and it will only make you more and more miserable.
Do things you would rather not doNow of course we often need to do things we would rather not do, but I challenge you to reevaluate those things to see if you can stop doing them, delegate them to someone else, or hire someone to do them for you. Examples? Do you hate to dust your house (like I do)? Teach your kid to do it in order to earn his allowance. Do you dislike pulling weeds? Hire a kid from the neighborhood to do some yard work for you. Also, put in more and more plants over time so they crowd out weedy areas of your yard.
Do you dislike your job? What aspects do you like, and what aspects do you dislike? Can you talk to your supervisor about doing more of the tasks you enjoy and less of what you don’t like?
Years ago I did this in my job as a professor. I enjoyed teaching certain classes over others, and colleagues felt the opposite way, so we ended up changing the teaching loads so that I primarily taught the courses I liked the best and my colleagues taught the courses they liked best, and the overlaps were few. On a more radical scale you may consider a new job or career. People often return to school to change careers or simply try something new based on their interests and talents that may not require more training, at least at first– such as writing, online sales, home decorating, photography, teaching dance or music lessons, catering, computer consulting, handyman services, or tutoring.
Not do things you have always wanted to doJust before my second cancer surgery my husband asked me where I had always wanted to travel, and it didn’t take me long to say “Alaska” with the follow-up qualifier “on a cruise ship”.
Well, guess what? We ended up on a cruise to Alaska with another couple two months later! We mentioned the idea to a friend of mine from work and she told us she and her husband were booked on a cruise, so after I got home from the hospital we looked into it and booked the trip within a few days. It was a great trip.
So even if you are not facing a life-threatening illness, think about things you have really wanted to do, set realistic goals and think about how you can achieve them. A good friend was on her way to majoring in French in college over 15 years ago, but it required her to live in France for a year, and she had just gotten married and she and her husband couldn’t go abroad for a year. She still has not been to France, but just recently they have started saving money and plan to go to Europe next year.
Another example is my husband who was recently laid off from his job. He’s receiving severance pay, thankfully, and that has given him time to think about what he really wants to do with his career (even in his mid-40s). He has always wanted to attend law school, but in all of our years of marriage we never thought that would be feasible. Well he’s looking into it now. One step at a time – take the LSAT, apply, and if/when he gets accepted (highly likely) we’ll figure out how to make it work. Or he may change his mind if a good job comes along. Who knows? But in my new state of mind I’m more likely to be open-minded about such things.
Your goals may be less life-changing than a big trip to Europe or going to graduate school. Maybe you have wanted to learn to cook gourmet food. You could take classes at a nearby college or trade school. Maybe you want to learn sustainable gardening techniques. Check out books at the library, research techniques on the internet, go on garden tours, and talk to staff at gardening stores.
What have you always wanted to do? Make a list, share your ideas with family and friends, set goals, and see what happens!
Hang around negative people
Enough said.
by Lisa Klein Surdyk
Wear ill-fitting clothes or shoesShoes should feel good on your feet AT the shoe store. Never let a salesperson talk you into believing the myth that the shoes will “break in” and feel better later. Shop for shoes when you feet are their largest – swollen after a long day of work or eating a bag of potato chips, perhaps.
Same with clothing. Don’t buy something that doesn’t quite fit, hoping to lose a couple pounds before the season arrives that you will be wearing the garment you are trying on. Also don’t buy clothes you will need to constantly adjust or fidget with. For example, if your undies show when you lean over, the pants or skirt do not fit you properly. Similarly, if too much of your cleavage shows when you bend over, your shirt is too small.
Ditto for undergarments. Only wear bras and panties that fit well and feel good – specifically, I don’t think you should notice them at all. You should not have to rearrange your undies every time you stand up. Your bra should not dig into your skin.
I suggest you go through your clothes & shoes once a year or so and take out any items you have not worn, either because they don’t fit well or because you don’t feel good wearing them. Give them away to charity or to a friend who might find them useful. Do this with jewelry too. This can be difficult for those of us who think we’ve wasted good money on these items, but we also waste good space holding on to things we are unlikely to use. Ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen if I no longer own that scratchy sweater that’s out of style and a bit too short and in a color that makes me look like death warmed over? Well, it may come in handy on a really cold winter day, under a few layers, but really, don’t you have other sweaters you could wear?
Give yourself permission to get rid of that sweater and maybe buy a new one for those cold winter days. Also, look at what is left in your closet or dresser drawers and look for patterns in styles and colors. When you shop, look for similar styles and colors of items you already own because you are more likely to wear them. You may save a lot of time and money this way.
Hold a grudge
This can be very difficult. I know. I have learned the hard way that forgiveness is the beginning of reconciliation. I have learned this in my marriage, and so has my husband. But I am glad now that we chose the path of forgiveness.
Something else I’ve learned about forgiveness is that it is rarely a one-time thing. When Jesus told his disciples to forgive 70 times 7 times that can mean for the same offense. So when I remember the events I have forgiven people for, I may need to forgive them (in my heart & mind) right then and there AGAIN, even if I don’t feel like it.
Who do you hold grudges against? The person who cut you off in traffic? The cop who pulled you over for no good reason? Your spouse? Your child? Your boss? Your former boss? Your annoying neighbor or his/her kids, pets, etc.? Take it from me – let it go. Forgive them in your heart, maybe even to their face or in a letter, if you think that’s appropriate. Otherwise, it’s like holding on to a ticking time bomb and it will only make you more and more miserable.
Do things you would rather not doNow of course we often need to do things we would rather not do, but I challenge you to reevaluate those things to see if you can stop doing them, delegate them to someone else, or hire someone to do them for you. Examples? Do you hate to dust your house (like I do)? Teach your kid to do it in order to earn his allowance. Do you dislike pulling weeds? Hire a kid from the neighborhood to do some yard work for you. Also, put in more and more plants over time so they crowd out weedy areas of your yard.
Do you dislike your job? What aspects do you like, and what aspects do you dislike? Can you talk to your supervisor about doing more of the tasks you enjoy and less of what you don’t like?
Years ago I did this in my job as a professor. I enjoyed teaching certain classes over others, and colleagues felt the opposite way, so we ended up changing the teaching loads so that I primarily taught the courses I liked the best and my colleagues taught the courses they liked best, and the overlaps were few. On a more radical scale you may consider a new job or career. People often return to school to change careers or simply try something new based on their interests and talents that may not require more training, at least at first– such as writing, online sales, home decorating, photography, teaching dance or music lessons, catering, computer consulting, handyman services, or tutoring.
Not do things you have always wanted to doJust before my second cancer surgery my husband asked me where I had always wanted to travel, and it didn’t take me long to say “Alaska” with the follow-up qualifier “on a cruise ship”.
Well, guess what? We ended up on a cruise to Alaska with another couple two months later! We mentioned the idea to a friend of mine from work and she told us she and her husband were booked on a cruise, so after I got home from the hospital we looked into it and booked the trip within a few days. It was a great trip.
So even if you are not facing a life-threatening illness, think about things you have really wanted to do, set realistic goals and think about how you can achieve them. A good friend was on her way to majoring in French in college over 15 years ago, but it required her to live in France for a year, and she had just gotten married and she and her husband couldn’t go abroad for a year. She still has not been to France, but just recently they have started saving money and plan to go to Europe next year.
Another example is my husband who was recently laid off from his job. He’s receiving severance pay, thankfully, and that has given him time to think about what he really wants to do with his career (even in his mid-40s). He has always wanted to attend law school, but in all of our years of marriage we never thought that would be feasible. Well he’s looking into it now. One step at a time – take the LSAT, apply, and if/when he gets accepted (highly likely) we’ll figure out how to make it work. Or he may change his mind if a good job comes along. Who knows? But in my new state of mind I’m more likely to be open-minded about such things.
Your goals may be less life-changing than a big trip to Europe or going to graduate school. Maybe you have wanted to learn to cook gourmet food. You could take classes at a nearby college or trade school. Maybe you want to learn sustainable gardening techniques. Check out books at the library, research techniques on the internet, go on garden tours, and talk to staff at gardening stores.
What have you always wanted to do? Make a list, share your ideas with family and friends, set goals, and see what happens!
Hang around negative people
Enough said.
by Lisa Klein Surdyk
Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Feb '08)
(With great thanks to Judith Viorst, author of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day)
I slept “wrong” overnight and now I have a “crick” in my neck. The kids slept through their alarms so I had to go and wake them up. No one wants to buy lunch so I have to make 3 lunches, but I forgot to thaw the extra bread, so I have to pry apart the slices in order to make sandwiches and I rip apart 2 slices in the process. Chips fall all over the floor when I try to put them in the baggie and I accidentally step on some, and that makes an even bigger mess. I sweep it up and notice the whole floor really needs cleaning but the room is full of kids and I don’t have time anyway… One kid keeps asking for a drink, and I get distracted and keep forgetting. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast my pre-school aged child wakes up too early and is grumpy and yells at everyone for no reason. I have to stop the process of making breakfast and lunches to scold her and send her out of the room. She comes back yelling even louder, so I lose it and yell back at her, then she needs comforting, so I give her a hug and put her in front of the TV with her favorite blanket and sippy cup of juice.
I think I’ll fly to Australia.
The bus doesn’t come for the kids because there was a bad traffic accident (we found out later), so I have to pile the kids in the car and take them to school and have to interrupt the grumpy preschooler to take her along. I haven’t even had a shower yet. I wear a hat to cover up my bed head in case any one sees me.
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
On my way to work, I got behind a slow driver that brakes and puts on his turn signal at every intersection but doesn’t turn for about 2 miles. (He is obviously lost). I would change lanes, but the car next to me is going at the same pace as the car in front of me. Besides, it hurts when I turn my head to the left because of that “crick” in my neck. Plus there’s nothing good on the radio. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I could tell because a warning light came on in the car. We just spent $1000 to have something fixed on the car last month, now it’s something else.
When I get to work I have emails from a couple students telling me they will be absent from class (will I miss anything important, they ask?) and here’s my assignment for the day. Sorry, they write. I write back to thank them and say they will be missed and that I’ll see them the next day for the exam. (Unless I’m flying to Australia.)
The copier jammed when I was making handouts for class.
During class I couldn’t get the overhead projector on, then when it did come on it was set to VCR and turned up really loud, so we watched Northwest Cable News at full volume till I could get the PC button turned on.
After work it was raining really hard when I was on my way to my car, and I left my umbrella in the car.
To avoid a long backup of traffic, I took an alternate route, but that route was backed up too, and it took an extra 15 minutes to get through 2 traffic lights.
Two different drivers cut me off in traffic.
I went to the grocery store and ended up with one of those shopping carts that makes a thud every time the wheels go around, and it constantly veers to the left.
After I got my groceries and went to check out, I got in the slow lane where everyone in front of me waits until the checker is done scanning their groceries to start the payment process, then they don’t know which way to scan their card, and they used a credit card, not debit, so they have to sign the slip. One woman was trying to use a coupon, but she picked up the wrong item, so then the checker had to call someone to go and get the right item the customer wanted to buy.
When I got home everyone wanted a snack even though it was less than an hour until dinner and I was trying to sort through the soggy mail, change into my grubby clothes and have a cup of tea. All the while every kid is telling me about his/her day ALL AT ONCE at the top of his/her voice and I have a pile of PTA newsletters, art projects and teacher notes to look over. Then the phone rings when I have a mouthful of chips and the kids are still noisy, so I go to another room to answer the phone.
The VISA bill came. Yikes, we really need to pay that off.
The long distance company sent us a note saying they are going to charge us a minimum of $5.99, and we NEVER use long distance on our home phones. (We use our cell phones.) I really don’t want to call them to ask about cancelling our service because they will have a 29 minute wait, then when I finally reach a human being I’ll have to speak to the person’s supervisor and get transferred 3 or 4 times, and I may get cut off, only to call back and wait another 29 minutes then get told I need to call my local phone company. I’m sure this never happens in Australia.
I was super hungry but too grumpy to cook so I sent my husband out for burgers. It took 45 minutes because of traffic and slow service. While we were eating my daughter spilled her chocolate milk and my son put his elbow in ketchup. Once we finished dinner I felt bloated and my stomach hurt because I ate too much too fast. Why did I think burgers were a good idea?
After dinner the kids complained about having to practice piano, and there was nothing good on TV. I have a good book that I picked up from the library, but every time I sit down to start to read one of the kids needs something, or I feel cold so I need to go find a blanket, or my husband wants to talk about the column he read today…
Once the kids were in bed I relaxed with a glass of wine (from Australia?) and thought that maybe the day wasn’t too bad after all, and that some days are just like that. Even in Australia.
I slept “wrong” overnight and now I have a “crick” in my neck. The kids slept through their alarms so I had to go and wake them up. No one wants to buy lunch so I have to make 3 lunches, but I forgot to thaw the extra bread, so I have to pry apart the slices in order to make sandwiches and I rip apart 2 slices in the process. Chips fall all over the floor when I try to put them in the baggie and I accidentally step on some, and that makes an even bigger mess. I sweep it up and notice the whole floor really needs cleaning but the room is full of kids and I don’t have time anyway… One kid keeps asking for a drink, and I get distracted and keep forgetting. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast my pre-school aged child wakes up too early and is grumpy and yells at everyone for no reason. I have to stop the process of making breakfast and lunches to scold her and send her out of the room. She comes back yelling even louder, so I lose it and yell back at her, then she needs comforting, so I give her a hug and put her in front of the TV with her favorite blanket and sippy cup of juice.
I think I’ll fly to Australia.
The bus doesn’t come for the kids because there was a bad traffic accident (we found out later), so I have to pile the kids in the car and take them to school and have to interrupt the grumpy preschooler to take her along. I haven’t even had a shower yet. I wear a hat to cover up my bed head in case any one sees me.
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
On my way to work, I got behind a slow driver that brakes and puts on his turn signal at every intersection but doesn’t turn for about 2 miles. (He is obviously lost). I would change lanes, but the car next to me is going at the same pace as the car in front of me. Besides, it hurts when I turn my head to the left because of that “crick” in my neck. Plus there’s nothing good on the radio. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I could tell because a warning light came on in the car. We just spent $1000 to have something fixed on the car last month, now it’s something else.
When I get to work I have emails from a couple students telling me they will be absent from class (will I miss anything important, they ask?) and here’s my assignment for the day. Sorry, they write. I write back to thank them and say they will be missed and that I’ll see them the next day for the exam. (Unless I’m flying to Australia.)
The copier jammed when I was making handouts for class.
During class I couldn’t get the overhead projector on, then when it did come on it was set to VCR and turned up really loud, so we watched Northwest Cable News at full volume till I could get the PC button turned on.
After work it was raining really hard when I was on my way to my car, and I left my umbrella in the car.
To avoid a long backup of traffic, I took an alternate route, but that route was backed up too, and it took an extra 15 minutes to get through 2 traffic lights.
Two different drivers cut me off in traffic.
I went to the grocery store and ended up with one of those shopping carts that makes a thud every time the wheels go around, and it constantly veers to the left.
After I got my groceries and went to check out, I got in the slow lane where everyone in front of me waits until the checker is done scanning their groceries to start the payment process, then they don’t know which way to scan their card, and they used a credit card, not debit, so they have to sign the slip. One woman was trying to use a coupon, but she picked up the wrong item, so then the checker had to call someone to go and get the right item the customer wanted to buy.
When I got home everyone wanted a snack even though it was less than an hour until dinner and I was trying to sort through the soggy mail, change into my grubby clothes and have a cup of tea. All the while every kid is telling me about his/her day ALL AT ONCE at the top of his/her voice and I have a pile of PTA newsletters, art projects and teacher notes to look over. Then the phone rings when I have a mouthful of chips and the kids are still noisy, so I go to another room to answer the phone.
The VISA bill came. Yikes, we really need to pay that off.
The long distance company sent us a note saying they are going to charge us a minimum of $5.99, and we NEVER use long distance on our home phones. (We use our cell phones.) I really don’t want to call them to ask about cancelling our service because they will have a 29 minute wait, then when I finally reach a human being I’ll have to speak to the person’s supervisor and get transferred 3 or 4 times, and I may get cut off, only to call back and wait another 29 minutes then get told I need to call my local phone company. I’m sure this never happens in Australia.
I was super hungry but too grumpy to cook so I sent my husband out for burgers. It took 45 minutes because of traffic and slow service. While we were eating my daughter spilled her chocolate milk and my son put his elbow in ketchup. Once we finished dinner I felt bloated and my stomach hurt because I ate too much too fast. Why did I think burgers were a good idea?
After dinner the kids complained about having to practice piano, and there was nothing good on TV. I have a good book that I picked up from the library, but every time I sit down to start to read one of the kids needs something, or I feel cold so I need to go find a blanket, or my husband wants to talk about the column he read today…
Once the kids were in bed I relaxed with a glass of wine (from Australia?) and thought that maybe the day wasn’t too bad after all, and that some days are just like that. Even in Australia.
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